When we understand the stage one of love, we had no comprehension of stage two.Our perception of love are typical for both singles and married adults in western culture. That is why understanding the love languages is so critical if we are to have long-term relationships. The love languages reveals how to keep emotional love alive once we come down from the emotional high of the obsessive stage of love.
Without this individual who divorce will marry and repeat the cycle with another mate. Sixty percent of those who marry will experience a second divorce and be single again…. Unless they learn the nature of love and move successfully from stage to stage two
The Convenant Stage of Love
Stage two is what I prefer to call “convenant love? It is very different from stage one, which I sometimes call “passionate Love? I do not mean to imply that covenant love is not passionate, but in convenant love, passion must be fed and nurtured. It will not continue to flow simply because we remain in the relationship. It is truly different from stage one. The obsessiveness we have had for each other begins to fade, and we recognize that there are other important pursuits in life in addition to pursuing each other. The illusions of perfection evaporate and the words of our mother returns to mind, “He hasn’t had a steady job in five years”….or you remember the word of words of our friend “The woman has been married five times before”. And now, in your mind, you begin to agree with your mother (or your friend). You wonder how you could have been so blind to reality
The differences in personality and lifestyle become so obvious, when before, you hardly saw them, The euphoria that led you to put each other first and to focus on each other well-being has now dissipated, and you begin to focus on yourself and realize that your lover is no longer meeting your needs. So you begin to request and then demand of the person, and when he or she refuses to meet your demand, you withdraw or you lash out in anger. Your anger or withdraw pushes your lover further way, and makes it difficult for him/her to express love to you.
Can such a tarnished relationship be reborn? The answer is yes: if the couple comes to understand the nature of love and learns hoe to express love in a language the next person can receive
The obsessive stage is over. The couple may be dating or married but they must move to the next stage, or the romantic relationship will end.
Convenant love is conscious love. It is intentional love. It is a commitment to love each other no matter what. It requires thought and action. It does not wait for the encouragement of warm emotions, but chooses to look out for the interest of the lover because you are committed to the other well- being
Our behavior will affect the person emotions. In fact, if we learn to express love in the other person’s love language, he/she will feel loved. And if that person reciprocates by speaking our love language, they will meet emotional need for love. And will have made the transition from the euphoria of passionate love to the deep settled confidence of convenant love. We love each other, and our love will endure because we choose to nurture love by learning how to express love effectively.
It is the convenant love that sustains a relationship through the years and leads the fifty-years-old husband to say about his wife, “I will love her more deeply now than the day we married”.
Convenant love requires two factors: knowledge of the nature of love and the will to love. Understanding the love languages will give you the information you need to have a successful, log-tem convenant love. Hopefully, as you see the benefits of love convenant love, you will also find the will to love.
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