GIFTS (Love language 2)

A gift is a tangible object that says, “I was thinking about you. I wanted you to have this. I love you.” Anthropologists have never discovered a culture where gift giving is not an expression of love. Giving gift is one of the fundamental universal languages of love
Some gifts last only for a few hours. Many single mom will remember this gift a dandelion picked from the yard and given to her by her child. The gift was quickly gone, but the memory has lingered for years. . The important thing is not the gift, but the emotional love that was communicated by the gift. The right gift is any token, big or small, which speaks that emotional love
The wrong meaning
The Greek word from which we get our English words gift is “charis”, which means “grace,” or an underserved gift. A gift by its very nature is not payment for services rendered. When a dating partner says “I will give… if you will….” The partner is not offering a gift nor is he expressing love. The person is simply striking a deal. A gift is given without strings attached or it ceases to be a gift
A gift is not a gift when it is given to smooth ruffled feathers. Some people think that giving a gift will offset the harsh words they have spoken. Some sons were instructed by their fathers,” when you’ve done wrong, always get her flowers. Flowers cover multitude of sins.” After a while. However, girls receiving the flowers want to throw them in the guy’s face. A gift is a gift only when given as a genuine expression of love, not as an effort to cover over past failures
Gift are visual symbol s of love. During most wedding ceremonies the bride and groom give and receive rings. The person performing the ceremony says, “These rings are outward and visible signs of an inward and spiritual bond which unite your two hearts in love that has no end.”
The gift can be any size, shape, color, or price. It may be purchase, found, or made. To the individual whose primary love language is receiving gifts, the cost of the gift will matter little. If you can afford it, you can purchase a beautiful card foe a less amount. If you cannot, you can make one free. Get a paper, fold it in the middle, take scissors and cut out a heart, write “I love you,” and sign your name. Gift need not be expensive
Learn the person’s interests
When do you begin? Listen to the person you care about. Pick up on their interest
Be Sensitive to the Nature of Some Gifts
In a dating relationship, you must also be sensitive to the way your partner responds to gifts. Because of their cost or perceived meaning, certain type of gift may not be readily accepted by the one you love.

GIFTS AND MONEY
If you are to become an effective giver, you may have to change your attitude about money. Each of us has an individualized perception of the purpose of money and we have various emotion associated with spending it. If you have a spending orientation, you will feel good about yourself when you are spending money. If you have a saving and investing perspective, you will feel good about yourself when you are saving money or investing it wisely.
Suppose you are saver. You will resist the idea of spending money as an expression of love. I don’t purchase things for myself. Why should I purchase things for others? But that attitude fails to understand the truth- that you are purchasing things for yourself. By saving and investing money you are purchasing self-worth and emotional security. You are caring for your own emotional needs in the way you handle money. If you discover that someone you care about has the primary love language of receiving gift, then perhaps you will understand that purchasing and giving gift to him or her is the best investment you can make. You’re investing in your relationship and filling the other person‘s emotional love tank

ABOUT FORGIVENESS

Processing hurt and anger in a positive way is essential if we are to speak affirming words. Typically, our words are an overflow of what is going on in our hearts. If we have not successfully dealt with hurt and anger, we will probably come out fighting, and our words will be destructive rather than loving
None of us is perfect. We do not always do the best or right thing. We have sometimes done and said hurtful things to those around us. We cannot erase the past, we can only confess it and aggress that it was wrong. WE can ask for forgiveness and try to act differently in t5he future. Having confessed my failure and asked forgiveness I can pursue the possibility of restitution. Can I do something that will make up for the pain I have caused you?” is a loving question.
When I have been wronged and the person has confessed and requested forgiveness, I have the option of forgiving or demanding justice. If I choose justice and seek to pay the individual back for what he or she has done to me, I am making myself the judge and the other person the felon. If, however, I choose to forgive, the reconciliation becomes a possibility

Many singles mess up every new day with yesterday. They insist on bringing into today the failure of yesterday, and in so doing pollute a potentially wonderful day. When bitterness, resentment, and revenge are allowed to live in the human heart, words of affirmation will be impossible to speak. The best thing we can do with failures of the past is to let them be history
Yes, it happened. Certainly it hurt. It may still hurt. But either the person has acknowledged his or her failure and I have chosen to forgive the individual, or he/she persist in the wrong behavior and I choose to release that person to God, knowing that he is a God of justices as well as mercy. I refuse to allow the other’s behavior to destroy my life today.
Releasing the person is not forgiveness. Forgiveness is a respond to confession. It is rather a releasing of my hurt and anger in spite of the wrong they have done to me. It does not restore and relationship, but allows me to live my life in peace and love others
If one wishes to be a lover, he must look carefully at the words he uses when he talks to co-workers, neighbors, close friends, parent, former spouse, roommate, and the sales clerks at the local store. What I say and the way I say it will influence the climate of my relationship. Words of affirmation enhance relationships. Harsh, condemning words destroy relationships
Remember, love is a choice. Choose to love others

KIND WORDS

Another dialect of words of affirmation is kind words. This has to do not only with what we say but the manner in which we say it. The same sentence can have two different meaning, depending on how you say it. The statement “I love you,” when said with kindness and tenderness, can be a genuine expression of love. But what about the statement, “I, love you?” The question mark changes the whole meaning of these three words

Sometimes our words are saying one thing, but our tone of voice is saying another. We are sending double message. People usually interpret our message based on our tone of voice, not the words we use
When your roommate says in a snarling tone, “I would be delighted to wash dishes tonight, “it will not be received as an expression of love. On the other hand, we can share hurt, pain, and even anger in a kind manner, and that will be an expression of love, “ I felt disappointed that you didn’t offer to help me this evening,” said in an honest kind manner can be expression of love. The person speaking wants to be known by the other person and is taking steps to build authenticity into their relationship. The same words expressed with a loud, harsh voice will not be an expression of love but an expression of condemnation and judgment
The manner in which we speak is exceedingly important. An ancient sage once said “A gentle answer turns away wrath” When your work colleague is angry and lashing with words of heat, if you choose to be loving, you will not reciprocate with additional heat but with a soft. You will receive what he is saying as information about his emotional feelings. You will let him tell you of his hurt, anger, and perception of events. You will seek to put yourself in his shoes and sees the event through his eyes and then express softly and kindly your understanding of why he feels that way. If you have wronged him, you will be willing to confess the wrong and ask for forgiveness. If your perception is different than his, you will be able to explain your point of view kindly. You will seek understanding and reconciliation and seek not to prove that your own perception is the only way to interpret what has happened. That is mature love. Love speak kindly