The key to a Good Relationship

WE ARE RELATIONAL CREATURES. All human live in community, and most people seek social interaction. In western culture isolation is seen as one of the most stringent of punishment. Even aspire to solitary confinement. It is safe to assume that everyone reading this article has relation-ships. The question is what is the quality of those relationships?
Positive, affirming relationship brings pleasure, but poor relationship brings deep pain. I would be so bold as to suggest that life’s greatest happiness is found in good relationship and life’s deepest pain is found in bad relationship. If you feel loved by your mother, then the maternal relationship brings you a feeling of comfort and encouragement. On the other hand, if your relationship with your mother is fractured, you probably suffer feeling of abandonment. If you were abused by your mother, you likely feel hurt and anger, maybe even hatred.

THE ROLE OF OUR PARENTS

Lack of love from parent often motivates their children to go searching for love in other relationship. This search is often misguided and leads to further disappointment. For a number of years ago Derek has worked with street people. A few years he said “I’ve never met anyone on the street who had a good relationship with his/her father”.
All your relationship spring from the relationship with your parents. The nature of that relationship will have a positive or negative influence on all other relationship.
Many singles adult have felt unloved by one or both parents. To compensate for the emptiness, they have poured themselves into positive pursuits and have accomplished admirable goals in many areas, but they have been extremely unsuccessful in building positive relationship with other adults. Most have never stopped to ask, “What do I need to learn about love in order to build successful, positive relationship?” Understanding the love languages will answer that question
Another reality about relationship is that they are never statics. All of us experience changes in relationship, but few of us stop to analyze why a relationship get better or worst. Most divorced singles did not enter marriage with a goal of divorcing in fact, most of them were extremely happy when they married. They would have characterized their marriage relationship as positive, loving, and affirming. Obviously something happened to the relationship. By the time they divorce they are saying such things as, My spouse is unloving, uncaring, self centered, and sometimes downright mean. “Ironically, the spouse often makes similar statements about them. Obviously the marriage went sour, but why?